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Author: Anne Cassidy

A Paco

A Paco

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A week into December the house gradually assumes a Christmas character. The tree that was biding its time in a bucket is now gracing the far corner of the living room. The piano has its nutcrackers, the Beethoven bust its Santa hat. The jolly cloth wreath is tacked up in the kitchen and silver snowflakes hang from the chandelier. 

But the tree has no ornaments, the banister no greenery and no cards yet grace the mantel. Maybe they will all be as late as mine this year — mine which I just go around to ordering. 

There’s a term I remember from my musical days: “a paco.” It means a little or gradually. It means we’re not going to thunder into the next passage but tiptoe into it gingerly.

That’s the way I feel about Christmas this year. The holiday will be so different, with family members unable to travel here. So best to approach it with caution, to lure it like a shy young bird. Little by little. 

Vienna Waits For You

Vienna Waits For You

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Yesterday, for the first time since March 12, I drove to the Vienna Metro Station. Though assured that the money I’d had taken from my paycheck would remain on the flex account charge card past year’s end, I wasn’t going to test it out. I needed the funds from the credit card to be on the Metro card — and drove there to make the transfer.

It was my first trip to Vienna Metro in nine months, and I relished the old twists and turns of the drive there: Fox Mill to Vale to Hunter Mill to Chain Bridge to Old Courthouse to Sutton and on to the station. 

The lighting was all wrong, of course. I usually did this leg of the commute in darkness or early morning shadows. And the traffic was much lighter, as it is most everywhere most all of the time.

But once there, it was not at all like the Vienna Metro Station I know.  I found myself improbably alone, like the survivor of a nuclear apocalypse. There were no cabs idling, no buskers singing, no harried commuters rushing to and fro. The place was as lonesome as a schoolyard in summer.

Here was a place I knew like the back of my hand. Here was a round-trip I took most work days in my former life. It was a place and a practice that changed abruptly last spring. And I doubt it will ever be the same. 

Tick Tock Tick…

Tick Tock Tick…

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I write to the sound of one clock ticking. That would be a lot of ticks in some houses, but in this house, it means we’re down by two clocks. It’s the cuckoo clock this time, the cuckoo I mourned in an essay long ago.

A year ago, when I was home alone for a couple weeks, I remember writing in my journal about the sound of three clocks ticking. It was like jumping rope double-Dutch or playing all three contrapuntal parts of a Bach fugue, the satisfying finger-twisting struggle of it all. 

It isn’t difficult to vibrate to one chord, to rock to one beat. I like to think that having multiple ticks and tocks keeps me limber, aurally speaking.

Time for the cuckoo clock repair shop.

The Standout

The Standout

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It’s a broad, bare expanse I see when I look out an upstairs window now. Tall, straight trunks sprouting tangles of limbs and branches — all  brown or gray or a shade yet unnamed that is their pairing( (bray?). 

If it’s a sunny day, add a splash of blue for the sky. If it’s not, then a lighter shade of gray for the firmament.

The eye, in this case, is drawn to the standouts, the few trees yet to lose their leaves. There’s only one of those left in the backyard — a shrub of some indeterminate breed. But what a thrill it is to spy its rich crimson. 

“Here I am,” it seems to shout. “All is not lost.” 

Getting the Tree: 2020

Getting the Tree: 2020

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I worried it wouldn’t be the same this year. No girls along, for the first time in decades. And, more to the point, no Snickers Gap. The little cut-your-own place discovered in the early aughts and now a juggernaut of traffic jams and parking woes.

So instead, it was the tree lot on the corner. Ah, but what a lot and what a corner. The latter an old crossroads with a picturesque white church on a hill. And by going after dark, there was magic at work: piped-in carols, icicle lights in the trees, happy volunteers slapping their mittened hands together to stay warm. 

We found a tree within a few minutes, an aromatic Douglas fir — probably the earliest Christmas tree we’ve ever purchased — and got it home and into a bucket, where it now sits drinking happily. 

Like so much else this year, it’s closer to home, stripped down … but memorable just the same.

A Rose in December

A Rose in December

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One of the joys and hassles of a long-lived blog like this one is that I sometimes repeat myself. I feel relatively certain I’ve written of “Roses in December” (ah yes, there it is!), so I must find a new title for this one. How about “A Rose in December.” (The change is duly made.)

Having settled on a title now, then what about the meaning. I’m happy to announce that it’s a straightforward one today — the joy of seeing this bloom so late in the season, of feeling that it’s a slap in the face to subfreezing overnights and brisk western breezes. 

And yes, it brings back the long ago memory of a walled garden and its promise of warmth. But it is also a joy in and of itself. 

This year’s rose, no doubt fueled by a wet spring and moderate summer, has supplied me with blossoms from May to December. I’ve taken a rose to my just-born granddaughter and her mother in late October and could have given one to my November 30th-birthday daughter, had I the ability to ship it across the country. But that, alas, is beyond my power. 

One thing I know about these roses is how delicate they are, how fragile to the touch. They, like so much else in life, are better off the less they are disturbed. 

NaWriMo’s End?

NaWriMo’s End?

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Two years ago, I wrote a novel during National Novel Writing Month. It was an intense experience, in part because I only decided to do it on November 2 so was playing catch-up from the start, and in part because it was a stressful time in my life otherwise. But it was a valuable discipline as disciplines go, so this year I decided to modify it. 

Instead of celebrating National Novel Writing Month (affectionately known as NaNoWriMo), I celebrated National Writing Month, which is an observance of my own concoction, a time when my own writing comes fist because I wake up two hours earlier to do it.

Practicing this for 30 days convinces me (as it has in the past when I’ve made similar efforts), that it’s the writing that matters. Doing it first and doing it often starts my days off in the way they should begin. Like composing the proper outline for the high school theme, the dedicated writing time becomes the frame on which I hang my day. 

Today is December 1. NaWriMo is over. I could stop rising early, sitting in the dark living room with these keys beneath my fingers, letting them take me places I hadn’t thought to go.

Or then again, I might keep right on doing it. NaWriMo is over. My writing … is not. 

Cold Training

Cold Training

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As a chill rain falls and I curl up on the couch, swaddled in three layers, I wonder if my cold training project is working as I hoped it would. Since early fall I’ve been on a mission to be less of a ninny about winter weather, to work outside in temperatures I wouldn’t have dared to before and thus train myself, little by little, to be more comfortable in brisker breezes. 

The premise is simple. In these Covid days, to be outside is to be free. But to be outside in winter requires a tougher skin that the one I was born with. Cold training to the rescue. 

My model in this is the filmmaker Craig Foster, who began free driving without a wet suit in cold South African waters in order to win the confidence of an octopus. In the film “My Octopus Teacher,” Foster describes how he gradually acclimates himself to the water and, as a result, is able to share the life of this shy creature in a way that wouldn’t have been possible had he been more fully clad. The message: Discomfort in service to a higher ideal is not only bearable, it is noble. 

I’m nowhere near this point, of course. The most I can hope is to keep the heat set at 65 instead of 68. But, I tell myself, every little bit helps. 

Bye-Bye Bassinet

Bye-Bye Bassinet

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The bassinet reminded me of the ones my little brother and sister slept in when they came home from the hospital. Though it’s now called “vintage,” it was merely “used” when we bought it for our first baby. I sewed a new liner in a soft lavender flannel. 

A couple days ago, when the grand-babies were in the house, the bassinet was brought down from the attic, just in case it could be pressed into service. Unfortunately … it already had been pressed into service. Squirrels or mice had made it their home. The stuffed animals that were inside the bassinet (some harkening back to my own childhood or earlier) were eviscerated. 

It was sad. I was sad. … But I was also determined that the bassinet make yesterday’s trash pickup. So I took a few photos, and the bassinet was hoisted out to the curb, actually fitting into the trash dumpster. 

Three sweet little girls took their first sleeps in that well-used nest. And who knows how many others. And now, it’s in the landfill. But the girls, they have grown up into lovely young women. And that, of course, was the point of it all. 

(Photo: Courtesy, Etsy. My bassinet photos didn’t turn out so well.)

First Smile

First Smile

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I remember being thrilled at our baby’s first smiles when I was a young mother, but there’s something about seeing them as a grandmother that makes them even more miraculous.

Here is this tiny creature, seemingly from another world, movements as if underwater. Here are the eyes that look past you at first. Here is all the care their parents provide: the feeding and burping and changing and calming. The nonstop love right from the start.

And then … here is the babe giving back. Yesterday, my new granddaughter smiled not once, not twice, but three times. Looked me right in the eye, turned up her sweet little mouth and smiled.

To me it’s proof of love at work, a visible sign of the love that passes from parent to child and then ripples out from that child into the world she builds for herself, extends all the way to the child she bears … who starts the beautiful cycle all over again.