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Author: Anne Cassidy

Middle-Aged Woman Project

Middle-Aged Woman Project

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A few weeks ago I heard an interview with writer John McPhee on the radio. He was explaining a series of pieces he’s writing for the New Yorker, which he calls his “old man project.”

The idea is that he doesn’t have the time to explore in depth a drive through Spain he made decades ago or a dairy farm in Indiana with 25,000 cows or any number of other ideas he’s been saving up to explore, so he is dipping his toe in them, then moving on.

McPhee is basing his project on a long-ago encounter with a 66-year-old Thornton Wilder, who had decided to catalog all 431 plays of the playwright Lope de Vega. The younger McPhee didn’t understand why Wilder was doing this. The older McPhee does: it’s a project without an end, a way to keep yourself going.

This got me thinking about what I do, am doing, to keep myself going, specifically my writing self. And the answer, right now, is simple: Every day, I write a blog post. And I’ve written one most every day for close to ten years. A Walker in the Suburbs is my Middle-Aged Woman Project.

Breathe In, Breathe Out

Breathe In, Breathe Out

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A nascent meditation program at the office has me listening to guided exercises that instruct us to “breathe in, breathe out” and to exist in the present, because that’s all we have.

The irony of doing this in the workplace does not escape me — future-oriented as it is and has to be — but my neck and shoulders constantly remind me that I need to chill out, so I close my eyes and try to float in the moment.

I concentrate on the breath, on the inflow and outflow, the filling up and the releasing. It’s true, the present moment is really all we have. There is a seat on Metro, there is a journal I can write in. And, later, there is a walk that will take me where I need to go.

Breathe in, breathe out.

Gibbet Hill

Gibbet Hill

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Many years ago I lived across from a small hill in Massachusetts. Gibbet Hill, it’s called, a great New England name with character and more than a whiff of dastardly deeds. Men were once hung there, according to local legend.

But the hill was for me a great source of inspiration and beauty, especially in the winter. In the summer the hill was obscured by tall trees and a tangle of underbrush along the road. But in the fall it revealed itself like a puzzle in reverse, each tumbling leaf making room for a view of the slope beyond.

It was more than just a scene. It was the promise of winter wisdom buried beneath the snow drifts. It was earth, tree and sky — all stripped down to their barest and most essential, the outline of life laid open to all.

I haven’t lived near it in decades but the hill is clear in my mind’s eye. It has come to stand for the beauty of winter and all the lessons it holds.

(Photo: Gibbet Hill Grill. It’s not winter, but it’s the hill I remember.)

Tick-Tock

Tick-Tock

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From where I sit I hear three clocks ticking. There is the familiar cuckoo from the kitchen, the breath-in-breath-out grandfather between the windows, and the “bim bam” on the mantel, the fastest of the trio.

Listening to them all at once isn’t confusing; it’s multi-modal. It’s the solidity of braided ropes, a hammock of sorts, holding me in place.

It’s the calm center in the midst of the action: like listening to a Bach prelude or fugue, where you search for each voice amidst the harmony. Or like jumping rope, double dutch.

It’s all about the rhythm, about three adding up to one. Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

The Trees

The Trees

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I read over the weekend of a dispute among neighbors over a stream restoration project in Hollin Hills. One side believes it’s imperative that Fairfax County fix the damaged stream and the polluted runoff that infests it. The other says that it’s doesn’t need to go about it in such a scorched-earth way.

One big difference between the two sides: preserving trees. As a walker in the suburbs, I know what it feels like to have a beloved woods opened up and hollowed out. Nature alone is doing such a grand job of this that it seems a shame for humans to be helping.

In our woods it sometimes seems as if there are as many downed trees as there are upright ones. Drought has weakened many of the old oaks and high winds have brought them down. The woods are open and airier than they used to be.

While this is just part of the cycle, I miss the denser, more all-encompassing woods that were here when we arrived. I miss the sense of enclosure, the way the light looks filtering through a dense canopy. All of which is to say that if I lived in Hollin Hills … I’d be fighting for the trees.

Each Day

Each Day

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Walking an older doggie first thing in the morning has its minuses. I’d much rather let the day unravel slowly, in fuzzy robe and slippers, staying inside and writing or reading until I’ve been awake for an hour or two.

But walking an older doggie first thing has its pluses, too, and that’s what I’m thinking about today.  Being out early, when the day is just beginning, means I can take a measure of it, can sniff out its aromas, attend to its sounds. A little less bird song, a little less humidity, a lot more sunshine.

Being out early helps me understand that each day is a gift — one that we can relish or ignore.

Bye, Bye Bathroom

Bye, Bye Bathroom

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The bathroom remodeling job that’s been planned for a couple of months has now begun. Last night I had a final ceremonial soak in the tub — ceremonial and quick, since there was almost no way to keep the water warm enough or high enough in that bathtub to really soak at all. (One of the many reasons it’s being replaced.)

Even though I know it’s for the better, I couldn’t help but have a backward glance for this small room that holds many memories. I thought about the many baths I gave my children in that tub, the girls when they were young, including some precious times when all three of them were in there — and there was more water splashed on the floor than anywhere else.

But those days are gone, I told myself. So I took some photos, removed the old makeup, body wash, bobby pins, hair clips and other paraphernalia that had accumulated — and said goodbye.

Which is good, because now … it’s gone.

Snowdrops

Snowdrops

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From the looks of it they’ve been blooming over a week now, these shy white flowers, though I just noticed them today. They’re tucked away in a quiet corner of the common land at the end of the street.

The snowdrop is such a gracious flower, with its slender stem and paper white blossoms. When in full bloom the little flowers hang their heads ever so slightly — perhaps a wise move. To call too much attention to themselves this early in the season would be to risk retribution: snow that would bury them. But from the look of the forecast all they’ll have to endure is a little bit of rain.

Not that I keep a close count, but I believe this is the earliest I’ve ever seen snowdrops. They’re in good company, though. Yesterday, I saw the first robins of the season, too.

It’s Capital!

It’s Capital!

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The other day, while doing some routine editing, I thought about my attitude toward capital letters. I follow the Associated Press Stylebook, which means that titles, position names and the like are lowercase unless used as an official title before the name.

I duly strike down all the errant capital letters I find, but sometimes, I’m afraid, a bit too gleefully. And then I realized: Yes, I’m doing my editorial duty, but in my own mild-mannered way, I’m also sticking it to the man.

Take that, you inflated title! Take that, you uppercase “T” for “The” in front of a showy corporate logo! Take that, you self-important word that’s never supposed to be capitalized ever, ever, ever!

ah, yes, i feel better now.

Right Arm Disease

Right Arm Disease

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French horn player Barry Tuckwell, who passed away last week at the age of 88,  had a term for the allure of the conductor’s podium. He called it “right arm disease.”

From all reports, Tuckwell was an excellent conductor.  But it was as a horn player that he made his mark. Playing the instrument is “like driving a very fast car on an oily road. You have to anticipate the things that may go wrong,” Tuckwell said. But not many things did go wrong when he was playing the instrument.

My reference point for the difficulty of horn playing comes from my long-ago youth orchestra days, when we based our yearly program on the availability of passable horn players. If we had them, and only if we had them, would we play Beethoven’s “Eroica” Symphony.

Still, many have fallen prey to “right arm disease.” And I can understand. I engage in a little right-arm waving in the car, air-conducting, of course. But don’t worry. My left hand is firmly on the wheel.

(Photo: Imgartists.com)