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Out with the Old

Out with the Old

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Like many folks during these waning days of 2023, I’ve spent a few hours getting rid of stuff I’ve accumulated this year and many other years (emphasis on the latter). In particular, I zeroed in on an area of the basement where I’ve stored — dumped might be a better word — the girls’ dolls and toys. The girls who are grown up and raising children of their own. 

Obviously, this is a task I’ve postponed for years. And no wonder. It’s a bittersweet duty indeed. Here were favorite toys I’d long since forgotten — stuffed rabbits, a dancing mouse, an acrobatic lamb on a stick, a jack-in-the-box. Here too were boxes of school work, mostly middle school and high school, so not that precious early stuff, but still a potential minefield. 

I’ll admit the tears flowed as I sorted through these treasures. They were good tears, necessary tears. I was mourning a time of my life that is no more. Like any other loss, it’s better to acknowledge it, to kiss it and let it go. As I write these words, I can hear the garbage truck stopping in front of the house. Now all of those relics … are truly gone. 

(An old photo of a messy garage that I trot out when I need evidence of Too Much Stuff.)

Arrivals and Departures

Arrivals and Departures

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A trip to the airport in predawn darkness, the only illumination (as we grew closer) the ominous glow of many tail lights. The departure lanes were so backed up that we scooted into Arrivals and found the way clear. All the passengers had to do was take the escalator one floor up to check their bags. 

I’ve been thinking since then about arrivals and departures, how closely they are bound. In our case, this morning, inseparably. But they are always linked: coming and going, giving and taking, opening and closing. 

It’s not quite as simple as “what goes up must come down,” but for every joyous embrace of welcome at the airport, there is the bittersweet hug at the end of the visit, dear ones flying back across the country. I’ll be counting the days until they return and I can head to Arrivals again — this time, for real.

Boxing Day

Boxing Day

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In England and other parts of the Commonwealth, December 26th is Boxing Day. Here there was a little party in honor of our British son-in-law and our youngest daughter, who celebrate a wedding anniversary this time of year. 

But even without that excuse, I’m all for feting December 26th. And December 27th, 28th, 29th, 30th and 31st, too. In my book, it’s Christmas all week long. 

It cuts against the grain in this country, I know, with many folks returning to work only hours after the last gifts are opened. But in other parts of the world, Boxing Day — or St. Stephen’s Day — is the second day of Christmas, part of a longer celebration that gives people a chance to take a breath after the busyness of the season. 

And taking a breath is just what I’m doing today. That and very little else. 

Palimpsest

Palimpsest

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Rain dislodges leaves and sends them dripping and dropping into the backyard, which is already covered with them. Nothing like the old days, when we would wade through them ankle deep, but still a presence, a reminder of the season. 

When I look at the leaves from my upstairs window, I see a palimpsest, a manuscript that tells two stories, the lines on top and the faint scratches beneath: a new story and an older one. I see the yard as it is now, but I also see the yard of yore, little girls jumping into piles of brown and gold. 

Those little girls are grown. Now their children come to jump in the leaves, to bounce on the trampoline, to run and dance and play. But when I look at the yard I don’t just see the newest little people, I see the ones that are no more, the young women who are once again the children I knew them to be.

Parental Equinox

Parental Equinox

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Today is the birthday of our oldest daughter. I realized, as I counted the years, that today also marks a parental equinox of sorts for me: I’ve been a parent as long as I have not. 

What do I see from this perch, from this fine balance? Strangely enough, I see continuity. For me, becoming a mother didn’t mark a revolution of caring but an expansion of it. Parenthood has been a way to give back the love that was given so freely to me by my own parents. It is the completion of a circle. 

I can’t imagine a life without motherhood. I’m grateful beyond measure to have become a parent. But I’ve tried always to live as not-just-a-mother, to honor dear friends who live full lives without children, who are wonderful aunts and uncles (honorary and by blood). I hope this message got through to my daughters; I think it has. 

Most of all today, I’m thinking of the baby with a V-shaped mouth who seldom slept, who sang before she talked, who took us to places we never thought we’d go. She has grown and flourished. She has studied and learned. She has traveled to the other side of the world — the dusty red-dirt roads of the Sahel — and back. She has given us three other wonderful people to love: her husband and children. Because of her and her sisters, our hearts are full. A parental equinox, yes. But if I had to pick one side of the divide to live in always, I know which one I’d choose.

(Three-year-old Suzanne holds her baby sister, Claire.)

Toddler Time

Toddler Time

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To see the world through the eyes of a toddler — what riches that would bring! A kaleidoscope of sights, sounds, smells and textures. A riot of color. What a boon for a writer, to experience such raw sensation. 

The next best thing? Perhaps to follow a toddler around. A lively experience, of course, but difficult to document.

To capture a toddler in motion is like photographing a hummingbird. Too much movement to contain. Only when there’s deep engagement can you move in and snap a shot. Luckily, that happened yesterday.

 

Savannahhh!

Savannahhh!

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In 2015 it was Big Sky, Montana. In 2016, Chicago, followed by Huston in 2017 and St. Louis the year after that. And then we ran out of young’uns getting married, or at least ones having big weddings. 

This weekend, we made up for lost time. Savannah obliged by rolling out a pair of warm days and sultry evenings, perfect for strolling the brick-paved walks of this gracious southern city. 

I’m here to see people not scenery, but the place has wowed me just the same. 

Babies and Blankies

Babies and Blankies

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Parents in the know understand that blankets are no longer recommended for babies in the first year of life. Newborns are swaddled, infants wear wear sleep sacks, and only at one year of age are little ones thought ready for the real thing.

Who am I to argue against the wisdom of experts? That said, I do enjoy tucking a soft blanket around a sleeping baby. 

So yesterday I was thrilled to do just that with Aurora Anne, 12 months and two weeks of age. This morning I folded the blankie that covered her and put it away. If I held it close and inhaled it deeply I could pick up a trace of her sweet baby scent. 

Saving Posts

Saving Posts

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For the most part, I write a post, read it over once or twice to check for typos, then pretty much let it go. But today I’ve been making sure I have all the posts I’ve ever written, grouped in months, in PDF files on my computer. 

I couldn’t help but read a few as I went along: There was the round-the-world trip of 2016. 

And something much smaller: riffing on journalism after seeing the movie “Spotlight,” and remembering how my daughter said the film was “a little slow.” That made me smile.

And then there was the couch sitting in a field in the Rocky Mountains. There’s a story behind that one, as you might imagine. 

September 10th

September 10th

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It’s Grandparents Day, and as we prepare to celebrate another family birthday (they come in clumps, don’t they?), I’m thinking, actually, of my parents. 

They were never able to do what I’ll do today, which is to wake up in my own house and drive 25 minutes to hold, tickle, cuddle and celebrate a precious grandchild on her special day. I know they missed this, and I wish they’d had it. 

I’ll be the first to admit that I chafe at the suburbs, that I look for opportunities to leave and spend weeks wandering around European villages where beauty is given greater priority than it is here. 

But here … is where my heart is. 

(Happy 1st Birthday, Aurora Anne! photo: CCG)