Fallophoboia

Fallophoboia

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You won’t find this condition in the DSM. It’s real, though. It’s the fear of falling leaves, nips in the air and all the other harbingers of autumn that put a skip in other people’s steps.

I won’t deny that I’ve enjoyed the last few low-humidity days, the blue skies of Sunday, the white puffy clouds, sleeping under a light cover with the windows thrown open to the evening air.

But brown leaves on pavement give me a fright, as do quieter nights, crickets only, no katydids.

I love summer, that’s all there is to it. And while I console myself with the knowledge that spring will be here again before we know it, the truth of the matter is that we must trudge through fall and winter to get there. And sometimes that seems like a tall order.

Saving Papers

Saving Papers

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It turns out that the torrential rains that plagued us the last couple of weeks seeped into our basement (usually dry) and had their way with a few boxes. Since these boxes contained paper (as oh so many of them do), this was not a welcome development.

Of course, it’s never a welcome development when your basement is even partially flooded … and let’s just say that not everything in my house is tidily placed on shelves and ensconced in plastic tubs. Which means there were some waterlogged files. Nothing terribly vital, but material that I had saved, and at one point had some utility.

In the general vicinity were two large boxes of newspapers. Saving newspapers is something I come by honestly — Mom was a pro — and I’m no slouch myself. This was soon made abundantly clear. Some of the saved newspapers contained articles or op-eds I wrote. Fair enough. But do I need to save the entire newspaper? No! That was an easy one.

More difficult was deciding which of the historical newspapers to keep. I settled on 9/11, Clinton Elected, Clinton Impeached, Bush Elected and … somewhere there’s an Obama Elected one too but it must be in a different box.

And then there were newspapers for the day of each daughter’s birth. I’d forgotten I did this. These papers will, I hope, mean something to each of them someday. But what they mean to me now — especially since two of the girls were born on Sunday — is that I have just that much more heavy newsprint in of my house.

Simple Gift

Simple Gift

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One of the simple gifts, a gift that doesn’t always seem like a gift but sometimes a drudgery, is waking up every morning. The weekend wake-ups are best, of course, unforced and un-alarmed as they are. But even the weekday ones, rushed and bolt-upright, are proof we wake to live another day.

A good thing? It doesn’t always seem that way. But mornings are the exception even when there’s general gloominess afoot. There is something about a morning, and especially this crystalline one I’m experiencing right now, that makes me glad to be alive.

I’m not going to analyze this too much — or second-guess myself for being a soppy optimist.

I’m just going to enjoy it.

(Morning light in the garden, late June. Alas, the coneflowers aren’t looking this good now.) 

Silence

Silence

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I just finished reading Jane Brox’s lovely new book Silence: A Social History of One of the Least Understood Elements of Our Lives. Brox plumbs her topic by comparing the silence of solitary confinement with the silence of the cloister, an interesting approach that gives her a chance to examine the trials of silence as well as its gifts.

She draws often from Thomas Merton, the Trappist monk who lived much of his life in the cloistered Abbey of Gethsemani but whose writings gave him a worldwide audience. Here she quotes from Merton’s Asian Journal: “Our real journey in life is interior. It is a matter of growth, deepening, and an ever-greater surrender to the creative action of grace and love in our hearts.”

Brox notes the creative power of silence, and its necessity. She concludes with this thought:

Silence can seem like a luxury. Or the fraught world has labeled it that way. But from what I know of it, I would argue that silence is as necessary as the constitutionally guaranteed freedom of speech, which we so carefully guard and endlessly ponder, for it affirms the meaning of speech even as it provides a path to inner life, to beauty, observation and appreciation. It presents the opportunity for a true reckoning with the self, with external obligation, and with power.

Sweet Little Liriope

Sweet Little Liriope

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I know few plants by their proper names. I only accidentally learned the name liriope when a friend, an avid gardener, admired it in the yard. I acted like I knew what she was talking about: “Oh yes, the liriope. I like it too.”

In truth I didn’t know what it was, and I certainly didn’t know that it flowered. I thought it was a grass-like ground cover that never bloomed. But I’ve learned to appreciate its sweet lavender blossom, its hardiness. Like the crepe myrtle, it brings color to the late-summer garden.

It’s also demure, and I’ve come to realize that I admire that in a plant. Something that doesn’t call attention to itself, that improves on second glance, that brightens the dreariest corner.

And that would be … liriope.

Their Own Season

Their Own Season

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Late afternoons have become their own season here, as the day becomes too much for itself and collapses under the weight of its own humidity.

First there is the darkening sky. The cumulonimbus loom large and black.The wind whips up and makes eddying noises as it blows in open windows, lifting up the light curtains. Even these many years later, I remember the earliest storms, rushing out to pull clothes off the line.

The smell comes next. It’s ozone, I learn. A pungent odor shot from lightning and brought to earth by downdrafts. Then the thunder, crashing and booming.

And finally the rain itself, a relief on the hottest days, a nuisance on others. Great rolling sheets of it, sometimes more than an inch an hour. Rain that bloats streams and sends them spilling over their banks, that sends me scurrying home along alternate routes.

Because the storms arrive just as I make my trek westward, into the thick of it. And last night, back to a dark, warm house. No power for three hours. And the only sound: the loud hum of the neighbor’s generator, installed just weeks ago. How did they know?

The Blues Brothers

The Blues Brothers

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A few weeks ago, the recently widowed Alfie got a new cage mate. His name is Bart, and he, like the late Dominique, is a rescue bird.

Strange to learn how many birds our local Humane Society offers, some from owners who can no longer care for them, but others because they are strays. (This more of a summer thing, I guess.)

Bart is friendly, well-loved and used to being held, but he is also an escape artist. Luckily, he ended up not in the jaws of a hawk but on someone’s balcony — and from there to the shelter and, eventually, our home.

He and Alfie spent more than a week in separate cages, getting used to each other’s proximity, then … they moved in together.

They’re both males, so Alfie sings less (there’s only so much he’ll do to impress another guy), but they frolic together, preen each other, share food and sit contentedly in each other’s presence.

I worry when I see them squabble (a pet owner who thinks too much?), but I’ve decided there’s no way to read parakeet relationship signals thoroughly enough to truly worry. Instead, I’m just sitting back and enjoying the show.

Endangered Evenings

Endangered Evenings

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For the last couple weeks, I’ve been stepping out after dinner to stroll a few blocks as the light fades.

This is a bonus amble, usually after a more serious effort earlier in the day. It’s a wind-down walk, time to take in the night air and watch bats careen through the sky.

One night, a big orange moon hung on the horizon. Another, a post-deluge sunset purpled the sky and diffused the light so there were glimmers from all sorts of unusual corners. 
These late-August rambles are more precious because they’re endangered.  The sun sets earlier, long twilights are on the way out. In yesterday’s newspaper, a short article noted that for the first time in months, the sun would set before 8 p.m. Sunday night.
I walked anyway. And it was lovely. 
An Aquarian Exposition

An Aquarian Exposition

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It was three days of peace and music, revolutionary for some, a peak experience. It was to my generation what the beginning or end of World War II was to my parents. A seminal moment. That by which others are measured.

In the last few days I’ve read about Woodstock, watched a documentary, listened to the voices of those who were there, learned much about it that I didn’t know.

I’m struck by several points, which many people may already have learned and processed, but which feel fresh to me this morning.

It was almost completely noncommercial. Due to a last-minute change of venue, organizers realized they only had time to complete the stage or the fencing — and they chose the stage. They declared Woodstock a free concert early on. There was almost no merchandise for sale at the concert, which means the value it retains comes primarily from the music (and the documentary film released the next year) and the experience itself.

It was by young adults, for young adults, and it happened in an era when young adults had far more autonomy and freedom than they do now. It seemed like fully half of the concert-goers I heard on this morning’s C-SPAN call-in show were 16 or 17 at the time. “Your parents let you go by yourself?” the announcer asked, aghast. Of course!

Most of all, I’m struck by the seemingly impossible fact that it happened 50 years ago. And that is what ultimately unites the baby boomer generation with all that have come before. Time passes, bodies age — but spirits stay (at least we hope) forever young.

(Poster image courtesy Wikipedia)

The Thinker

The Thinker

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For the walker, what you do with your feet is simple. You put one in front of the other and move forward.

Much trickier is what you do with your arms. If you’re fast-walking, you pump them until they look like the connecting rod of a steam locomotive or the blurred, dust-kicking feet of a cartoon roadrunner.

If you’re a bit slower, you swing them at your side, freewheeling, in time to the music in your ears or the rhythm of your heartbeat.

And then there is the meandering, meditative walk, which is best accomplished with arms behind and hands clasped behind the back. It’s open, stilled and expansive — and it, more than the famous seated Rodin, is the true posture of the thinker.

There’s only one problem: When I walk with my hands clasped behind my back, I feel much wiser than I actually am.

(Photo: Pixabay)