Family Bibles

Family Bibles

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They hold newspaper clippings, holy cards, photos of babies in long cotton gowns. Century-old flowers crumble in their pages, and their bindings are frayed and worn.

Yesterday I paged through a stack of old family bibles looking for names, dates, relationships. Some of them had elaborate closures; others were falling apart. Some of them gave up their secrets; others did not.

But all of them held the fears and triumphs of mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, siblings and cousins. They were the ceremonial center of recorded family life. I studied them, photographed them, copied words from their pages. Then I brushed their dust off my hands and came upstairs, to the land of the living.

In the Mood

In the Mood

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Though I remain more of a dog and bird person, I occasionally visit with a tabby cat named Felix. He’s an agreeable fellow; he hasn’t bitten me once.

I like to watch him look out the window as he takes in a glistening, green world full of birds and squirrels that he might love to chase if only he knew they were real. 

Instead, he contents himself with climbing contraptions and scratching posts and an adorable little toy that looks like a laptop. If only he was in the mood, we could both be tapping “keyboards” at the same time. 

The thing about cats, though, is that they’re seldom in the mood. 

Green Bank Shining

Green Bank Shining

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A walk yesterday to clear the head and boost the spirit. The day was made for it, a gift of a day if ever there was one. I walked fast and long, as if I could outpace grief. 

That wouldn’t happen, but there were delights along the way: Lake Audubon, resplendent on a May morning, the scampering of squirrels and chipmunks, a green bank shining in the sun. 

We who are still living pick up the banner and march on. It is our duty … and our privilege. 

For Nancy

For Nancy

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I met Nancy on our first day at Hanover College when we were homesick 18-year-olds. We missed our families, we loved to travel, we lived across the hall from each other. So we neglected our bio lab reports and stayed up late to hatch crazy schemes. Maybe we’d take a tramp steamer across the Atlantic or be chambermaids in a Swiss hotel. We didn’t quite pull off those adventures, but we did travel through Europe for two months on $5 ($3?) a day, surviving on baguettes and water. We’d gotten so skinny that Nancy’s own grandmother didn’t recognize her when she picked us up at the airport. 

Nancy and I stayed close through college and early adulthood. When Tom (another Hanoverian) and I moved to northern Virginia, Nancy, who’d lived here since grad school, quickly became an honorary aunt to our three daughters. 

Through the years, Nancy was at most every birthday party, graduation and other special event. She’s part of Suzanne’s first memory because it was Aunt Nancy who took care of her when Claire was born. Nancy even loved our sweet rascal of a dog, Copper. 

Nancy was a lawyer, historian and indexer extraordinaire. A proud member of the Daughters of the American Revolution, she traced her lineage back to Revolutionary War stock. One of her first and most notable jobs was at Mount Vernon, Washington’s home. 

Nancy continued to travel the country and the world, skiing in Colorado, bicycling in the Netherlands, visiting Israel, Jordan, Greece and Eastern Europe. For the last eight years or so, her travel has been up and down I-95 as she spent much time in Massachusetts caring for her parents. A devoted daughter, a loving sister, an exemplary friend. 

Three weeks ago, we learned that Nancy, always caring for others, was seriously ill herself. Friends and family flocked to her side. Her older sister dropped everything and virtually lived at the hospital. We saw Nancy as much as we could, but not nearly enough. It’s never enough when you can’t imagine the world without the person you’re visiting. 

Nancy slipped away over the weekend. I still can’t believe it. I wonder if I ever will. 

(Nancy, right, with our pal Peggy, another dear college friend)

A Confluence

A Confluence

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It happened regularly and would have happened today, which is both Mother’s Day and Dad’s birthday. I would make the trip out to Kentucky then, figuring the confluence gave me two reasons to visit. 

I always felt a bit bad for Dad on those days, worrying that the luster of his special day was dimmed a bit by having to share it with Mom. But Dad didn’t seem to mind. 

Now I have so many reasons to revel in this day, which celebrates both my parents and on which I will see or hear from my own precious daughters and grandchildren. 

It’s a confluence all right. 

Anniversary of a Masterpiece

Anniversary of a Masterpiece

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Now I know why I was hearing snippets of Beethoven’s 9th Symphony on the radio Tuesday. It was the two-hundredth anniversary of its premiere. For two centuries now we humans have had this masterwork at our disposal. 

Yesterday I read an account of its creation on the Marginalian. I’d heard some of this before, but I didn’t know about Beethoven’s devotion to Schiller, whose “Ode to Joy” the symphony’s last movement celebrates, or the piece’s long gestation period. I like to think of the notes rattling around in the composer’s head as he took one of his long walks through Vienna. 

Beethoven insisted on conducting, though he was totally deaf by that point.  He was allowed to do so with the proviso that another conductor be present as a “backup.” This conductor instructed the musicians to look only at him. 

When the last notes sounded the audience at first fell silent, perhaps aware even then that they had witnessed not just a concert but a moment in history. And then, in the words of the Marginalian’s Maria Popova, “the gasping silence broke into a scream of applause. People leapt to their feet, waving their handkerchiefs and chanting his name. Beethoven, still facing the orchestra and still waving his arms to the delayed internal time of music only he could hear, noticed none of it, until Karoline Unger [the contralto soloist] stood up, took his arm, and gently turned him around.”

(Beethoven by Julian Schmid)

Still Life

Still Life

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Walks lately have been wedged between errands and hospital visits, brief escapes into light and motion. Still, they have worked their magic, have loosened muscles and mind.

A photo I snapped on Tuesday’s stroll captures a truth. A sky that seemed mostly cloudy, I see now, was bluer than I remembered. 

Isn’t that the way of life, the way of survival? We leave the hospital or nursing home, and we want to shout hallelujah. Yes, we are sad, but we are still here, still walking upright, and the ones we love, they don’t blame us for rejoicing. 

Old Photos

Old Photos

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The women were smiling, posing in a gondola before skiing down a mountain. They wore parkas with hoods. Their faces were glowing. 

It’s a photo that found its way into a hospital room yesterday, cheering the patient who would no longer ski down a mountain but who, I hope, took heart from the image and the gesture, a kindness meant to stir up memories of a happier time.

The ability of an image to hearten and inspire … it was on full display yesterday, and I marveled at its power. 

(This isn’t that photo, but it’s an old photo that always makes me smile.)

Night Reading

Night Reading

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Night reading is one of life’s great pleasures. Not just reading before bed, but reading in the wee hours, at times when I’d rather be sleeping.

I don’t grab a book first thing. I give deep breathing a chance to work, and sometimes it does. 

When it doesn’t, I grab whatever novel or nonfiction tome is on top of the pile and plunge into another world. It’s silent and dark, the only illumination supplied by my stalwart little book light. 

Thirty to sixty minutes of reading does the trick — unless I’m unusually frayed or the story is unusually suspenseful. 

Last night, neither of those was the case. I immersed myself in the Brazilian jungle until my eyelids felt heavy. When I woke up again, it was morning. 

A Gathering of Writers

A Gathering of Writers

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I spent Saturday with 200 other writers at the 2024 Washington Writers Conference. Some of us pitched ideas to agents. Others attended panels. A few of us made sure the day was running smoothly. But all of us were our own writerly selves, and that was, at least for me, why the day was such a tonic.

Writing is a solitary occupation, with much staring at blank pages and screens. It can also be accompanied by self-questioning and doubt: How can I say that better? Should I say that at all? Will anyone read this?

When writers come together they share those questions, which eases those doubts. 

In one of the day’s more memorable lines, James Grady, author of Six Days of the Condor, said, “Writing is a cross between a heroin addiction and the sex drive. It’s a hunger that drives us forward.”

I looked around, and every head in the room was nodding yes.

(Above: Paul Dickson speaks to the crowd after receiving the Washington Independent Review of Books Lifetime Achievement Award. Dickson has written more than 60 nonfiction books. He encouraged attendees to support each other.)