Anticipation

Anticipation

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The presents are wrapped and tucked under the tree. The refrigerator is stocked, and the mantel is filling with cards. The Seattle branch of the family arrives today, and the Kentucky branch tomorrow. If I could ask for anything right now it would be for a super-duper slow-down-time machine — because I know the next few days will vanish in a blur.

Since I’m pretty sure such a device will not magically materialize, I’m doing the next best thing: savoring the moments, anticipating what’s to come.  

I’m contemplating the tree, not the biggest we’ve ever had but not the smallest, either. And the gifts themselves, small tokens of the great love I feel for the people receiving them. How good we have a season devoted to giving. For me it underlines this basic fact: that joy is not ours to hold — but to spread around and give away. 

Post Solstice

Post Solstice

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The shortest day was mostly cloudy. I took two walks, my first in a while. It felt good to be striding through space, cold enough that I wore gloves in the beginning. 

We’ve made it past the nadir and are now on the ascendancy. There’s a direct line from today to June’s long, lingering twilights. A fact to keep in mind during the early sunsets of January and February. 

Yesterday afternoon, I heard a springlike twittering in the air. It was a flock of robins who breezed in to hunt for worms and berries. Another sign that spring is out there somewhere. 

Stand Up

Stand Up

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We were more than two-thirds of the way through the program last night when the orchestra struck up the familiar prelude. It was the Hallelujah Chorus of Handel’s Messiah; time to stand up.

The tradition of standing during this song began, so it’s said, when King George II was so moved that he rose to his feet during the London premiere, and the rest of the audience followed suit. 

Last night’s hall was almost filled and the conductor encouraged us to sing along, too, a challenge only a few of us were brave enough to accept. Still, it was impressive to see hundreds of people on their feet as the chorus belted out the familiar words: 

“King of Kings, forever and ever. And Lord of Lords, hallelujah, hallelujah. And he shall reign for ever and ever. … Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!”

The Living Room

The Living Room

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Of course, we have one — a living room, that is. It’s never been like the living rooms of my youth, which were more like parlors. You sat in them with company but didn’t lounge around in them. 

In this house, there is no true “family room,” so the living room is where I spend time, especially now, with the tree by the window, the cards on the mantel, and the wrapping station by the fireplace. 

In these precious days, I sit on the couch and marvel at the “in-process’ness” of the room and the season. Some presents need wrapping, others need ribbons tied and curled. There’s food shopping yet to be done, holiday goodies still to bake, but this year (finally!) there’s time to savor the season itself, the living of it.  And what better place to do that, but in the living room.  

Darkness to Light

Darkness to Light

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At 6:45 there is barely any light in the sky. Holiday displays mark the boundaries of street and yard. Our beacon, as they’re intended to be. As for other illumination, it’s still scarce. How easy it is this time of year to think that darkness is winning.

I look out my office window, can barely make out each tree trunk. But the longer I stare, the more individual limbs and branches begin to show themselves, a filigree of darkness against the lightening clouds. The sky is a blotter sopping up the light. Darkness still reigns on ground level; nothing distinct down there yet. No trampoline, garden bench or witch hazel tree. All of that is out of sight, a void. Instead, my eyes are drawn toward the sky, and toward a faint blush of pink gathering around the tree line.

My window faces south, so the big show is out of sight, to my left. I walk into the other room, peer out the window. Dawn barely underway. A smudge of red on the horizon. But walking back in here just 15 minutes later, what a change. Now I see the covered garden bench, the limbs of the witch hazel tree, the white husks of the shells bordering its garden, the azalea and its entourage. The border of leaves and grass.

By 7:12 it is unqualifiedly morning. What a difference 28 minutes can make.

Recipe Hunter

Recipe Hunter

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Like my address book, my recipe box is in need of some serious pruning. I pull out both this time of year: the first to address cards, the second to find my standard go-to Christmas cookie recipes. 

But this year I’m in search of something a little different: instructions for spritz cookies, for instance, for which I’ve drawn a complete blank, even when I delve into Mom’s old recipe box. Ideas for savory snacks, also nada.

Which means I turn to that great recipe box of cyberspace. Online recipes, anyone?

For Copper

For Copper

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Seventeen years ago today we took into our home a dog of uncertain heritage and even more dubious temperament: a bundle of nerves, a combination of dog parts that never seemed to fit together. Long body, short legs. Perky ears, plume tail. 

A dog that fooled us from the beginning, behaving so well at the Loudoun County Humane Society shelter that you barely knew he was there. A week later he would bark at anything that moved.

He had the powerful shoulders of an Olympic swimmer, could bound over the couch in one leap: preferably into the arms of my mother, visiting for Christmas, sipping a glass of red wine and no fan of rambunctious animals.

In his first month with us, Copper would consume shoe leather, eye medicine, a pair of pink panties, and the contents of a colostomy bag. He sometimes ate dog food, too. He barked, he nipped, he escaped every chance he got. 

But none of that mattered. Because we loved him right from the start. Loved him fiercely. He was joy incarnate, you see. And now … he’s gone. 

Shattered!

Shattered!

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They are such fine-boned things, the glass so thin and delicate. But I always place a few old-fashioned ornaments on the tree. Most of them are vintage, ones from my childhood. All of them reflect the lights, make the Christmas tree a kaleidoscope of shine and sparkle.

I felt this red one slipping from my fingers as I tried to attach it. Had it landed on the carpet it might have been saved, but it didn’t. And though part of it survived, a considerable chunk of it became sharp shards and pieces so tiny I can only call them glass crumbles. 

What to do? Nothing but sweep it up, mourn its long life, and be glad that I was the one who broke it … 

Binge Watch

Binge Watch

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Right now I can use the excuse of recuperation, but I do it anyway. Binge watch, that is. Immerse myself in a show, viewing a couple episodes (or more) at a time. Biking around London with a team of nurse midwives or suffering through the latest scandal of the Royal Family — while also enjoying the sumptuous interiors of Buckingham Palace or Windsor Castle.

It’s fun! It’s immersive. But it’s also addictive, the high fructose corn syrup of entertainment diets. After an evening of binge watching I feel as I do after Thanksgiving dinner: stuffed but not nourished.

There must be something in our psyches that cries out for the tidy narrative arc: the setup, the conflict, the resolution. And when that’s artificially stimulated, when I’m left hanging to the point that I have to watch more (even though I know the next episode will leave me hanging again) at some point I need a palate cleanser: a nice, simple, self-contained film. 

(Photo: Wikipedia)

‘Tis the Season

‘Tis the Season

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‘Tis the season of group sings and holiday parties, of crowded cashiers in stores that are only crowded once a year. ‘Tis also the season of rhinovirus and adenovirus and respiratory syncytial virus. Put these together and you have a noxious stew.

As one on the receiving end of this special kind of holiday giving, I can say … 

I’m glad I was felled when I was. With any luck, I’ll be fully recovered in time to mail the cards, wrap the gifts, bake the cookies, and enjoy the cheer. 

Until then … aaaaachoooo!